Shane's high school freshman class picture.
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"I Can’t Really Believe Shane's Not Just Around the Corner"
Thought's from Shane's Godmother
by Beverly Runolfson
I found this message very hard to write. It still seems to me that even after all this time, Shane is not gone. How could he be, when the memories of his visits are still as clear and clean as they were before his accident?
When Shane’s mother was first pregnant with him, we all celebrated every moment of life. Shane was a long awaited gift and we knew God had a plan for this little, little baby. Case and I were honored when Gail asked us to be his God-parents. My relationship with Shane’s mother ran a lifetime, as we lived for most of our childhoods next door to each other. Gail taught me to sew, knit, and to make really great spaghetti. I was her matron of honor at her wedding to Shane's father. She was another big sister that set very high standards for me to follow in school and in life. So when she called and said she wanted me to play this very special role in ensuring a Christian life and extended family for Shane, the answered yes was without hesitation.
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You all know that Shane was an only child, but he had siblings from his dad’s other marriages and those he made on his summer vacations to DC. For almost every summer from the time he was five, Shane would spend time with my family in DC. He was another kid at the table talking a mile a minute about Pokie Man or what happened at camp. Sloan and Shelby were his two little sisters that followed him around and Reid that big brother that you fight and love with everyday. He played basketball with the big boys and held his own in each game. Shane, though small in size, was large in character and confidence. He would not back down. And he feared very little. Once when he was about 8, I took him to the airport for fly home. He wanted pizza to eat on the plane. We sat and waited and the plane was very late. I asked the lady at the gate if the flight would actually leave and she assured me it would. Finally they boarded and Shane, being the experience flyer he was, got right in line and boarded the plane. As I was trained to do, I waited for the plane to push back from the gate. We were at Dulles airport so I waited until I got to may car to call Cousin Gail and say her young man was on his way. By the time I got home almost 30 minutes later she called and said the plan had come back to the gate and unboarded. Half panicked I did not know whether to start driving back to the airport then or wait. Gail called about 20 minutes later and said, they had placed them on another connecting flight to Atlanta and Shane was fine. He of course explained how there was another young child on the plane that was frightened and he was taking good care of her.
During Shane’s last visit, just as he was beginning to develop his Goth persona, he came for two weeks. As normal, we found what we thought was an interesting camp to attend. Shane came back from the first day and we sat down to dinner. Shane began by saying that it was alright, but most of the kids were yuppie and not really what he was into. I said, “Well Shane, [try] the camp a few days and maybe you'll find someone to connect with.” The next day he came home and said he met three guys that were kinda cool to hang around with so the rest of the camp might be okay. But there was this one girl that was really “stuck up”, a real priss! Needless to say, by the end of the two weeks and Shane was scheduled to fly home; my phone was ringing off the hook and mostly by Ms. Priss wanting to talk to her new best buddy, Shane. Shane could find and make a friend anywhere he went: normally a girlfriend. Shane was just that cool!
But Shane was equally as gentle as a lamb with his little girl cousins, Shelby and Sloan. My daughter Sloan is developmentally delayed. Most kids would have been ashamed, embarrassed or frightened by Sloan’s different and often overt behavior, but not Shane. That was his cousin and that meant he was not going to have her treated differently.
Our visits during the summer were often short. The time together now seems much too brief. My family would travel to Georgia for the annual 4th of July or Thanksgiving feast. Without fail, the first visitor to the house was Shane. I can see now that big head of blond hair coming down the hill, his cool swagger and coil smile. He was there to see the rest of the family. It was like no time had passed at all. Shane always fit right in with my family.
My girls still talk about the visits and the dinners. The thought of Shane not being here is still too difficult for Sloan to grasp. She talks about him often, because she does not really understand the concept of death. Maybe that’s a good thing, because as long as she talks about him, he’s really not gone. There are two pictures I keep on my dresser that I see everyday; my father-in-law that passed away several years ago and Shane. They are what I see each night before I go to bed and the first things I see when I look into the mirror each morning. I like that a lot.
This past Thanksgiving I took Sloan and Shelby to Shane’s grave site. That was the primary thing they wanted to do while we were there. They wanted to see where their cousin was. It was really a good experience. Sloan got down near the headstone and touched it very gently. Almost as if she was saying it was okay and he was still here with us. Shelby and I just cried like the funeral was yesterday. Sloan reread the headstone, committing it to memory. She may not be able to remember all the things that she needs to with her disability, but she is doing all she can to hold onto Shane’s memory.
Part II. It has been almost two years since Shane left us and I still find it difficult to believe he is gone. Maybe a part of that is denial and anger. But the reality that he is gone still has not set in. I find myself thinking about what he would have said in certain situations; how tall he would have grown; how he would swagger and what a fine young man he would have been at 16. I don’t think I will ever stop seeing Shane just around the corner and that’s okay, because I know he’s watching me too.
You will have my love forever,
God Mom Bev
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